The Pilaka n’ the D’souza!

The Pilaka n' the D'souza!

It shows that I love being married to YOU 😀


This happens when you are nervous! I swear it does!

The topic of this arbitrary post was essentially suggested by the ex-boss (Hi, Sudish!!) One of the very-very few people I’ve come across who believes in recounting the ‘routine’ (happens-to-all kind of stuff)
Nervousness & its coded mannerisms!
There are signs that bail out on your nervousness at public spots. In case you are a pro’ at the same, you get away by sailing through.
My personal favourite is the ‘Mobile Phone’. Being the overtly self-conscious person that I usually am, I resort to my dear mobile phone, in case of avoiding people/situations.
Let’s list some very common incidents that tend to make you nervous/edgy/conscious (a bit may be)
1) When at a party and you’ve stepped in without company.
2) First day at work (or maybe a few weeks).
3) Entered a group discussion (wherein the groupies are strangers to you).
4) Being the third person between a two-people fantasy fight.
5) Desperately awaiting someone’s arrival at a restaurant/garden/lane/general store.
6) Passing a bunch of guys who are busy invading your privacy (you know what I mean).
7) When you’ve slipped and tripped on a staircase. (People are looking, remember?)
8) When you’re trying to find a rick and the oldies nearby smirk at your ‘efforts-in-vain’ situation.
9) (Only for the feminine race) In case you are buying smokes.
10) When you ask for Sanitary Napkins, and exactly 3 men stare into your eyes. (This is true)
11) When you try to avoid confrontation with that one person you are awkward around or
intimidated by. (But your friend doesn’t)
12) When you’ve mispronounced a word and get corrected in public.
13) Whilst a discussion and you seem unaware of the topic in question. (Joey nod?)
And now, moving to the coded mannerism:
1) Your PHONE. Make a quick call / text someone. (Continuing it till the moment has passed)
2) Rubbing your sweating palms and twitching fingers.
3) Nail-biting. (It’s said to be a very feminine thing). Very sorry, it’s not!
4) Dig out a book if in a public transport.
5) Put on the head-phones. (Definitely makes you invisible)
6) Clutch on to the hand-bag/satchel (Indiana Jones just went derp)
7) Pretend to look for something in the bag.
7) Get conscious about your attire.
8) Enter the near-by general-stores & move out when composed!
Yes. These are true. These happen to all (I’ll take my chances here)
Feel free to update new ones, if you’ve known any.  

Once a ‘is’ ….now a ‘was’!

Fingers tip-toeing on the keyboard, I’m trying to gather words to begin the saga that my family.

So said Fr. Paul, “Once a man leaves his human body, his spirit needs to be set free. Hate him, for he needs the love of God to embrace him into his paradise.” Now that was some serious bul#*&^. No, I could not hate you.

So I’m still trying to resume life. In poetic and writer language, I’m trying to gather the pieces!
The priest and the husband, made me get rid of your ‘spectacles’. They said, those pair of lenses made you linger around me. Isn’t that great?

But I don’t feel you around anymore. It feels you’ve taken another form. You don’t make me feel wanted anymore.

Are you upset I tried cutting you out of my human life after all?
Thousand apologies. I had to. They said I had to set you free!

So I get to play the kid you always wanted me to be. A responsible one at that.

Yes, all’s well, and you  know it because I can describe it in words. Its happier to write about you than to remember you. So take your memories with you, in case you’re still around.

I’ll manage.

There’s nothing left from me and you!

It’s been a long day,
Quite so it seems ahead too.
Would I like another piece of you?
I hold on to a thread that isn’t in my control,
I see the clouds hovering over my abode,
Sitting isolated at my desk, I write aimlessly,
Words jumbling in my mouth, pouring out pointlessly.
I need not know what you need to walk along,
But I simply know what my post needs to complete this song.
Yet again, I hold on to a thread that isn’t in my control,
I see the clouds hovering over my abode.
Ohh darling, this closet does not need you,
My world stinks of you,
I’ve cleared every inch of doubt,
Move away dear friend, it’s time you walked out.

Ohh sweet master of my thoughts,
I decide to empty every inch of you,
It’s now that you should know,
There is nothing left from me and you!


No matter how …

No matter how bad you want it, it’s never going to be worth it.

When was the last time you desired a fatal desire and fulfilled it? Face it, you didn’t.
Get over it. Life’s not going give you lemons for a vodka recipe. You’re not going to be handed roses mid-street or your prayers are not going to be answered with a smile. Earn it.

All you have, is you. A very ugly version of what the world sees. Someone living a pretentious life and more so expecting a perfect life in return! That’s what you’ve become. A lie!

Even if you’re living one, why not make it perfect. A perfect lie?

Live the perfect lie!

The challenge to retain the ‘We’ until eternity and to retain the ‘Me’ in its entirety.

Posted this way back in 2012. 

10 months of being hitched to a person, to whom you’ve sworn the rights of your celibacy to, you know, you definitely know… that there are times you really, really cannot take it anymore.

The husband need not take offence. None. Because, (pay careful attention) it’s the “being married” phenomenon and not the “whom you are married to” I’m directing your attention towards.

Now, if you’ve got million-light-years of queries waiting to bounce my direction…Hold. Breathe. Relax. It’s just the routine.
The routine is a task.

Now, you’re going to advise me or give me some Einstein gyaan on how millions of women have made through it and it’s going to be fine.
Thank you. I know I’ll make it through. I will sail through like Puss in Boots on a Pirates-of-the-Caribbean-boat, on a stormy n’ wintry night.

But guess what… I need more than just that.

As an individual, who by all fair means is ‘clonically’ (pardon the newest oxford diction) a tad-bit-different from the millions we’ve just mentioned, I would like my life to peddle in a direction much smoother, much in control.

(Do not raise your perky eye-brows). We cook. We feed each other. We read books. We argue. We love our cliché jokes. We wash each other’s clothes. We talk like babies. We have fun muddling gossip at each other. We have fun ogling at the opposite sex. We have fun on a dinner night, binging on prawns n’ beer. We read. We write. We tweet. We insta. We judge. We plan. We love. We love family/cousins night-outs. We love friends around. We love the company we share with each other. I love that piece of self-obsessed masculine character in my life.
But, yet again, I miss something. I miss the ‘Me’. I miss the cold-warm-crazy-fun-abusive-short-boyish-singing-confused-yet funny-messy-lousy-loud – ME.
If yu aren’t married yet, please know something you already know.
Being married brings along a task; a task to balance the ‘We’ and the ‘Me’ life. It’s a challenge. A challenge to retain the ‘We’ until eternity and the challenge to retain the ‘Me’ in its entirety. (Now is when I found the title to this post)

Beneath the wound lies the pain of the untold

The words of the unborn are far more clear to a mother-to-be than the world it’s gonna see!
With every glance the world seems smaller,
Skip a heartbeat & you grow stronger.
You grow stronger within me,
The apprehension I wish you could see.
Im not afraid to say, you hurt me a million times,
Im not afraid to stay, even though there’s no sunshine.
Clouds rolled over to my feet and made them numb,
My senses still hold the minute hope, You’ll come.
I know you love me, I know you do!
I know you want me, the way I do.
The tender touch of your fingers, my skin awaits
Sweet symphony in our hearts, crashes every limit gate.
Every thought rolls over to your hold,
Every dream ends on your unfold.
This does not feel the same anymore,
Coz its fiery to my very core!Image